Amazing Breakthrough in HVAC System Efficiency and Performance!

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turbo thermo encabulator max hvac mini split heat pump

Heating, ventilating, and air conditioning (HVAC) systems have undergone great development since our cavemen ancestors huddled around the fire in winter and fanned themselves with palmetto leaves in summer. The rapid development of efficiency and performance experienced by other industries, however, seems to have bypassed HVAC in recent decades.

Although electronically-commutated motors are now replacing the increasingly obsolescent permanent split capacitor in the drive for psychrometric consolation, the anticipated paradigm shift in residential mechanical systems seems always just beyond the reach of synergistic collusion.

For a number of decades, however, work has been proceeding in order to bring perfection to the crudely conceived idea of an HVAC system that would not only supply inverse reactive current for use in unilateral phase desuperheaters but would also be capable of automatically synchronizing the relative motion of conductors and fluxes. Such an instrument is the Turbo-Thermo-Encabulator Max.

Building on the development of the Turbo-Encabulator in the 1940s (see video below) and the Retro-Encabulator in the 1990s, scientists and engineers first created the Turbo-Thermo-Encabulator for improving surfactant-mediated vapor-compression diaphragms.

Now basically, the only new twist was the addition of hydrocoptic marzel vanes to the thermostatic expansion valve. Rather than being so-fitted to the ambifacient lunar wane shaft, however, these antidisentropic modules undergo a series of phase-shiftingThe Turbo-Thermoencabulator Max is a product of intense scientific research. heteroepitaxial quantum fluctuations to relieve the magnetoreluctance of all capacitive directance.

To more fully attenuate the temporal wobble in the ancillary tesserect, all spurving bearings have been replaced with heavy-duty, zircon-encrusted girdlesprings. The inverter-driven dingle-arms then promote the accession of semitoroidal interactions in the molecular sieve, with the consequence that side fumbling is effectively prevented.

The Turbo-Thermo-Encabulator Max has now reached a high level of development, and is being successfully used in the operation of, not only nofer trunnions, but also twofer trunnions, which can be used to activate mini-split thermal diverters, and occasionally nogo and even bogo trunnions.

Because HVAC systems are but one component in the complex edifice systems studied by building scientists, the Turbo-Thermo-Encabulator Max encompasses the entire array of hygrothermobaric control layers in the typical building enclosure. No longer will the befuddled homeowner or facilities manager struggle in deciding which repair-person to call when something goes wrong.

turbo thermo encabulator max binary control device switchThe net result of the technologies elucidated herein is the complete nonentropic operation of the device. In other words, the Turbo-Thermo-Encabulator Max, once installed, obviates the need for any contractors and is fully guaranteed for the life of the Universe. Moreover, the actuation panel for this revolutionary HVAC system is pure elegance, consisting simply of a single binary control device.

It's not cheap, but factories in China are working around the clock to ensure sufficient quantities will be ready in time for the upcoming holiday shopping season.

Historical Film of the Turbo-Encabulator

The short video below, produced in 1977, shows Bud Haggart explaining the principles of the Turbo-Encabulator, as applied to automotive transmissions.

Who deserves the credit?

The original Turbo-Encabulator was the brainchild of one John Hellins Quick, a British student who published a paper titled, The Turbo-Encabulator in Industry in 1944. The Turbo-Thermo-Encabulator Max is the result of a chain of events spurred by one Dan Kerr, a mechanical engineer with McClure Company, as well as a blogger and triathlete (who happens to be competing in the Lake Placid Ironman Triathlon this weekend - Go, Dan!).

Epilogue

Whether you understood a lot or a little of this article, you understood enough. If you understood a lot, I urge you to seek professional help.

Afterword

Relax. This is just a bit of fun because April Fool's Day doesn't come often enough for me. If this article makes you want to unsubscribe or see me take a long vacation, this may not be the blog for you. If, however, you spend your spare time reading instructional novelettes with such titles as "How to Bury Yourself in the Ground Up to Your Neck" and "How to Get Your Hand Encased in a Hardened, Bucket-Shaped Oatmeal Plug," then you're in the right place.

 

Addendum

Be sure to see my interview with the alleged inventor of this alleged device, too.

Comments

Jim Blair
Jul 18 2012 - 1:18am

Please drop me from your email list

christopher cadwell
Jul 18 2012 - 1:34am

its about time a press release on this. he he

John Poole
Jul 18 2012 - 3:55am

Just. Plain. Nuts.

doc brudzinski
Jul 18 2012 - 5:19am

I'm finally beginning to understand!

Anthony Hyde
Jul 18 2012 - 6:47am

You left out the part about NASA using this technology in the space program so it will be the solution for all your home HVAC problems.

Dick Meyer
Jul 18 2012 - 7:38am

Other than being silly, was there a point to this article? It went over my head if there was one.

Danny Gough
Jul 18 2012 - 7:41am

Ingenious. An effective girdle spring is always critical.

chuck halloran
Jul 18 2012 - 8:20am

I'd hate to see what the installation manual looked like.

Paul McGovern
Jul 18 2012 - 9:05am

couldn't have said it better myself!

John Poole
Jul 18 2012 - 9:07am

I bet you curled up on the floor in a fetal position and sobbed uncontrollably, after writing this one... ;-)

Dave
Jul 18 2012 - 9:45am

Sorry, I'm a fairly simple guy.... I couldn't get past the second paragraph.

Carl D. Clark
Jul 18 2012 - 9:49am

My head hurts............

Stan
Jul 18 2012 - 9:58am

... and I'll bet you're first-in-line for one!

moedaddy
Jul 18 2012 - 10:30am

Sounds like some of the stuff I write...not only fun...but exercises the cerebral synapses..."L" hemisphere...Broca's area....corpuscollsum...not to for get the creative molecular incapcilation of stratastat. moedad..& yes..I TOO need help!

Ted Kidd
Jul 18 2012 - 10:31am

Wow, impressive essay. The video really rounds it off. And the comments, Jim Blair, I'm LMAO.  
 
Certainly the government will buy it.

M. Johnson
Jul 18 2012 - 11:16am

I am hoping Allison takes a long vacation and comes back with something other than a mental self-stimulation.

Allison Bailes
Jul 18 2012 - 11:46am

Thanks for all the comments! I added a new Afterword at the end of the article to address the concerns of those who want to unsubscribe or see me take a long vacation.

stu
Jul 18 2012 - 12:17pm

Please keep me on your mailing list. I can not miss an episode of this new swerve in science.

stu
Jul 18 2012 - 12:23pm

The smarter the animal, the more they take time to play. It is easier to play if one avoids pomposity and too much time taking things too seriously.  
Oh, and on the subject of how to get off Allison's email list - Click the Google icon twice...  
or read the directions in every email...

pat
Jul 18 2012 - 1:29pm

There's an app for that.

Dan Kerr
Jul 18 2012 - 5:12pm

Does the government consider this as renewable energy? I'd like to claim a tax credit. (thanks for the shout out. good times)

John Poole
Jul 18 2012 - 5:25pm

Seriously Allison: How soon before we all start getting "Rick Roll'd" when clicking on links to what we think is your latest home energy blog post??? 
 
BTW, here's a really cool PDE solver package that was just released by the University of Illinois. Just thought you'd like to take a look at it: UIUC PDE Solver 

steve m
Jul 18 2012 - 5:26pm

Wait, isn't that what the dept of energy just guaranteed a loan of $455 million to develop and manufacture? 
 
 
 
gosh, I sure hope it works.......

John Poole
Jul 18 2012 - 5:33pm

Yes, the very same! By all means, check out the link I posted. It's a really cool piece of software. Allison thinks so! 

AlexandraFunFit
Jul 18 2012 - 7:04pm

I believe they used this machine in Back to The Future. Please come over and hook it up to my light switch, er binary device.

Tom Glaizer
Jul 18 2012 - 7:46pm

I wonder if these can be hooked up in series or only backto back?

Debbie
Jul 19 2012 - 11:17am

The inverter-driven dingle-arms then promote the accession of semitoroidal interactions in the molecular sieve, with the consequence that side fumbling is effectively prevented. 
 
 
 
dingle arms..geeze you make my head hurt! 
 
and yeah..I guess we were all right there with you. it must be vacation time! 
 

Tim Allen
Jul 19 2012 - 3:17pm

I'm looking forward to reading the trouble shooting manual

John Mattson
Jul 20 2012 - 11:40am

Would you donate part of your sense of humor to Martin Halliday over at GBA?

Bob
Jul 20 2012 - 6:35pm

Way over my head, but there are things to consider: 
 
Cost: Getting the general public to accept paying this much for an HVAC system is a long stretch unless power prices are high and cooling seasons are long. The hottest parts of the country tend to have the lowest energy prices... 
 
HVAC contractor acceptance: Many do not like to try out new stuff, especially if it's expensive. It's hard enough to break the 500sq ft per ton rule for newer homes (most can go at least 800sq ft per ton), much less introduce new technology.

Ken Bailes
Aug 1 2012 - 5:11am

The good news is Allison is buying one of these for everyone who posted after he gets back from a very very long vacation! They run about a buck two ninty eight for the rest of us.

James Ferguson
Sep 20 2012 - 7:07am

Love - It ! 
 
We are using Hidden Semi-Markov Models to establish the Viterbi path currently (we try not to mention it !) :)

James Rock
Sep 29 2012 - 4:31am

Where's Sheldon Cooper when you need him? SHELDON!!!

Don Wolochow
Dec 5 2012 - 1:57pm

Don't you usually save these for April 1st?

Jamie
Mar 29 2013 - 7:28pm

I'm soo kicking myself! I could have had the patent on this if I only would have given up the piston for the thermo expansion valve!